hormones What Is a Women to Do When It Comes to Hormones?

For many women, confusion is the only continuity as they search for personal answers to their declining hormones. Between the media, friends, healthcare professionals, and the written word, whom does one believe when the advice conflicts?

The dilemma can be resolved by empowering yourself with reliable information about all your options and then wearing the shoe with the best fit. This can be a process of educated trial and error, because the answers are not uncovered necessarily by a simple laboratory report, and because the possibilities for individual therapy are countless. In fact, the sheer number of effective possibilities and combinations can be quite overwhelming.

If we are to improve upon Mother Nature, we must honor and respect our natural physiology by imitation, a most sincere form of flattery. This approach is far more successful than overpowering and over manipulating the body with synthetic chemistry, which on a molecular level is akin to forcing a square peg into a round hole. Hormones in our body have helped us function reasonably well all our lives, and indeed they are just as essential to life as our heart and our brains. It has taken Mother Nature millions of years to perfect our own natural hormones, which are the natural drug in our body.

In our second decade of life when hormone levels are highest, we are least likely, not more likely to have cancer, cardiovascular disease and stroke, hypertension, osteoporosis, autoimmune and degenerative diseases. There are receptor sites on every cell of our body for each of these hormones. They are the messengers that connect the mind and the spirit to the physical body. The precursor hormones such as progesterone, DHEA (which is dehydroepiandrosterone), and pregnenolone are converted to many other steroid hormones throughout the body, depending upon our individual specific needs for that time. Most notably, progesterone is converted to all the stress-busting adrenal hormones that modulate our immune system, and give us energy and resistance in times of trauma and stress.

Hormone Types

Choose your hormones carefully. The WHI study was limited to two brands of hormone therapy. Premarin, which is an estrogen made from the urine of pregnant mares (hence the name), and Prempro, a combination of Premarin and Progestin (a synthetic progesterone). Both contain substances not normally found in the human body. Doctors practicing integrative medicine have long considered these drugs inferior to "natural" or bio-identical formulations, which are indistinguishable from a woman's own hormones such as Estradiol, Estriol, Estrone and Progesterone. "Natural" as these doctors use the word refers to the bio-chemical structure of the hormone rather than its source.

Bio-identical estrogens and progesterones are available in pills and creams, whose method of gradual delivery more closely resembles that of the human body. In the WHI study, a large group of women who were taking Premarin alone have not been found to have a greater risk of breast cancer, heart disease or stroke, and they are continuing in the study. So it may be that the synthetic progesterone rather than the estrogen is the culprit. But as we know, the natural bio-identical hormones from soy or yam is no more natural to one's body than one made from equine urine –- "neither one belongs in your body".

Last summer, the bubble burst for millions of middle-aged women as their fountain of youth dried up. News was out that part of a major clinical study on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) had been abruptly halted last July when early results revealed more long-term risks than benefits. At the time, some 20 million women were on HRT. The number has since dropped by half. So the question is: What is a woman to do? With another 20 million women facing menopause in the next decade, it is still a pressing concern, and the answer depends on many, many factors.

After the age of 35, there is a big variation in the hormonal production amongst different women. This is a time when the ovaries often start to slow down, and generally produce less of the sex hormones. In particular, ovulation may start to become irregular, and less frequent which reduces fertility and leads to progesterone deficiency. This may result in irregular and/or heavy menstrual bleeding, and increasingly severe premenstrual syndrome. Thankfully, this is easily treated with homeopathic progesterone, herbs and foods.

Most women begin the perimenopause at sometime during their 40's which is really the beginning of ovarian failure. Perimenopause consists of the period of time before, during and after menopause where the ovarian output of sex hormones becomes erratic and eventually fails completely. Menopause occurs because the ovaries run out of eggs and the average age is 50 years with a normal range from 45 to 55.

A small percentage of women have a premature menopause in their 30's or early 40's, and rarely have I seen women in their early 20's go through menopause. Causes of premature menopause vary from chronic stress, autoimmune diseases, smoking, genetic factors, hysterectomy, removal of the ovaries, chemotherapy, and in some cases are unknown. Other women continue to produce good levels of estrogen and progesterone right through their 40's, and well into their 50's before the ovaries eventually fail. No matter what age a woman goes through menopause, the question of whether to take hormone replacement (HRT) remains an individual one.

The art and science of hormone replacement therapy has broadened in the last five years because we can now tailor-make combinations of hormonal regimens to suit every individual woman. Thankfully, the old way of HRT where menopause was treated with standard brands of synthetic or animal hormones is no longer considered acceptable by women. During the first few years of menopause, the prescription or the treatment solution for HRT may need to be regulated and adjusted on a regular basis because a woman's body is in a constant evolving process. The goal of natural HRT is to restore hormones to around the normal body level that were present during a woman's 30s or 40s. An integrated, balanced or holistic approach which caters to the individual is extremely important. In some cases, the three classes of sex hormones (estrogen, progesterone and testosterone) are required even in women who have had a hysterectomy. Currently, most women who have had a hysterectomy are offered only estrogen without consideration of the need of progesterone or androgen.

Theoretically, the eggs producing hormones should no longer produce the menstrual cycle that once was present in your 20's and 30's. Your adrenal glands which are little glands that sit on top of your kidneys and make 151 hormones are supposed to take over the job of producing hormones, and therefore, it is absolutely essential to have very healthy adrenal glands. Therefore, what I have been doing on my patients, I have been using for the past year the NuFem rejuvenation system. The NuFem rejuvenation system is based upon checking the saliva levels of your Cortisol, which is the predominant hormone made by your adrenal glands, on day 2 of your menstrual cycle, and along with checking the Cortisol levels that vary every 4 hours, we check the estrogen, progesterone, testosterone and DHEA levels. After we receive the results, we prescribe a customized program to restore adrenal gland function and/or prescribe homeopathic creams to balance estrogen, progesterone and/or testosterone. You should evaluate your hormones at an early age because this will show your ideal hormonal levels before menopause begins making it much easier to create a tailor-made program of HRT when your ovaries finally fail.

Many women will need only homeopathic progesterone cream as their HRT, especially those who are estrogen dominant. Possible symptoms of estrogen dominance are tender breast, fluid retention, headaches, anxiety, weight gain below the waist, and heavy bleeding periods.

No matter what age you go through menopause, you will have fewer symptoms and feel healthier, if you have a good diet, a regular exercise program, a positive state of mind, and a healthy liver and adrenal glands. The liver breaks down all the body's hormones as well as any hormonal regimen that is being prescribed. And if it is sluggish or dysfunctional, hormone imbalances will arise and be present and there will not be hormonal harmony unless the liver is properly functioning. Perimenopausal women with sluggish liver function are more likely to have a weight problem also. The adrenal glands are very important during the perimenopausal years because they take over the role of the failed ovaries to a significant degree and continue to produce significant amounts of the sex hormones, especially testosterone. Women with healthy adrenal glands have much better energy levels and sex drive.

Women in their 50's and 60's will also want to continue with some form of nutritional and/or hormonal support for the post menopausal years with the aim of reducing osteoporosis and cardiovascular disease. During these two decades, the body produces less and less sex hormones, and this can cause continuing bone loss, increased cholesterol levels and sexual dysfunction. The major health problems for women over 50 is osteoporosis, a higher risk of cancer, and cardiovascular diseases. It is important that women utilize preventative strategies to reduce the occurrence of these common diseases.


Friday, September 12, 2008
by: Leigh Erin Connealy, M.D., citizen journalist

Speedy Arm Sculptors

By Lucy Danziger

Who doesn't want bareable biceps, triceps and shoulders? Thanks to a certain sleeve-skipping first lady, toned arms are all the rage. To get the scoop on creating sleek, sexy arms, I went to someone else who knows a thing (or a thousand) about creating show-off arms: Trainer Jillian Michaels, who just joined SELF as a contributor.

"When it comes to arms, I like dips," she says.

"When I do three dips, I want to cry," I tell her.

"You can do build up your strength to do them!" she assures me. "To me, it's all about shoulders and triceps. We want long, lean triceps, and we want to eliminate the fat on the back of the arm and we want those really pretty rounded shoulders. You want to do something that's going to incorporate some resistance. You can do tricep extensions but you won't burn as many calories and you're not conditioning the muscle. You won't get shoulders at the same time and you're not creating a shape so you can shape the body. So I'm telling you dips is the way to go."

She's pretty convincing, right? But don't just take her word for how effective they are. Try them yourself: Sit on edge of a bench, hands at sides, fingers forward, left knee bent 90 degrees, foot flat on floor, right leg extended forward. Use arms to lift yourself off bench. Bring right leg out to right side as you lower body until elbows are bent 90 degrees. Return to start. Do 12 reps. Switch legs; repeat.

Arm yourself with a few more shape-up tips:

Add oomph: To truly firm muscles, make sure your arms feel spent after a single set of 12 reps. When reps feel easy, up resistance. If you do use dumbbells to do kickbacks or another move, can you complete those last two reps of a set with 5-pound weights like a cakewalk? Upgrade to 8-pounders.

Alternate weight: For your first upper-body strength session of the week, use heavier weights and do fewer reps (about 8); next time, go lighter, but do 12 to 15 reps. Called undulating training, it challenges your muscles in different ways, delivering even better results.

Try dumbbells: If you use machines with rigid parts such as a lateral pull-down machine, you may be working the same muscle fibers over and over, neglecting others. Swap in free weights and you'll require input from more fibers to keep steady, recruiting more muscles. Try triceps extensions: With feet hip-width apart, knees soft, a 5- to 10-pound dumbbell in each hand, lean forward until torso is parallel to floor. Hold bent elbows near sides, palms in, knuckles down. Press weights up and back, rotating palms down. Hold for one count; lower; repeat. Do three sets of 15 reps.

How to improve your self confidence in a relationship

In a relationship self-confidence is very important. Although you have become a couple, you still need to have your own sense of self, your own thoughts and opinions, and confidence to stand alone should you ever need or want to. A lack of confidence in you can actually ruin a relationship, because other people will expect to give and receive freely, and that takes self-confidence.

To improve your self-confidence in a relationship you first need to isolate the self-defeating chatter that goes on in your head. We all have this chatter, even the most self-confident people do. Our confidence in ourselves wavers from moment to moment depending on our interactions with family, friends, co-workers, and our overall success. Some days we may feel more self-confident than others, and this is normal. What is not normal is to continually feel badly about you.

Listen as you go about your day and really think about what you tell yourself about your inability to please your mate, or your lack of communication skills in your relationship, or whatever it may be. When you find these phrases, and you will, counter them with something you know proves the negative phrase wrong. Even if there is only one instance, have your rebuttal ready. Sooner or later, you’ll start you’ll start to believe all the good things are true! And, they are. Your mate will really appreciate the renewed sense of self.

Once you’ve begun to defy the negative commentary you really need to nurture yourself. Celebrate your up and coming confidence, you ability to love, communicate, and give to the person you love. Self-nurturing is important, so indulge in something you like to do and push yourself to do better, reach higher, and be more confident in all ways. Nurturing yourself will help you feel like you have the right to be in a good relationship, to be treated well, and to be appreciated for treating others well.

Don’t fall into old routines. Once you let your guard down, those old negative comments will come flooding back in. Always stand ready to defeat that commentary with a good thought. Self-confidence is important and your attempts at bettering yourself shouldn’t fall to the side. It takes self-confidence to ask for what you want in a relationship and you don’t want to get to the point where you can’t get what you want because you’re afraid to ask. You don’t want to be stuck in a dead end relationship because you don’t have the confidence.

You deserve a kind, loving, beautiful relationship. Self-confidence is key to a wonderful relationship. It’s the bottom line for believing you deserve to be in such a relationship, and then taking the appropriate steps to make it happen. No one deserves to be unhappy, and if you’re suffering from low self-esteem, it’s in your hands. Talk yourself out of that troubled relationship! It really is as easy as that!

As your self-confidence improves you will actually learn to ask for what you want, and that will make you, and your mate or potential love interest much happier in the long run! Go out there and get what you’ve been dreaming of!

Safety Tips for Women

Make smart choices and use your common sense. Don't be paranoid, but be aware that bad things do happen, and protect yourself.

Trust your instincts. They are well-honed from living in the USA. If you feel something is off, wrong, strange - get out, move on, flee, scream, whatever is appropriate. Do it quickly.

Body language: keep your head up, swing your arms and act confident. Adopt a no nonsense attitude. Walk with purpose and you'll be less of a target for hustlers who prey on disoriented or timid tourists.

Most of the people who offer you food or drink are just being kind. However, the rare exception exists - drugging occasionally happens. Try not to leave your drink unattended in bars, and exercise good judgment when accepting food or drink from people. Rophynol, the date rape drug, is odorless, tasteless and colorless. It is a tranquilizer that can be slipped into your drink by a man who would like to have sex with a woman who is heavily sedated. If you are at a party, don't accept a glass of punch unless you trust the host. Don't think this won't happen to you. Some women don't even know they have been raped until it's too late.

If you are being followed in the street and you feel threatened, duck into a shop and firmly tell the clerk: "I am a foreigner and someone is following me. I am frightened and need help." If need be, have the clerk call a cab or police officer for you.

Try to sit or stand next to other women or family groups in restaurants, on trains or buses, and in other public places. It is unlikely that you will be approached or harassed if you're in the company of other people.

Consider wearing a wedding ring, if you don't already.

There is power in vocal embarrassment. I have found that many men are shamed by a verbal, loud woman admonishing them in public. Practice screaming before you leave home! Also shame them by shaking your finger in their faces. Even if the crowd doesn't understand your words, they will understand your indignation and gestures. Most sleazy men do not want public attention.

Ask for help or company if you feel uncomfortable.

It is common for a would-be thief to use razor blades to cut purse straps, take the purse, and then get away in a thick sea of bodies. Wear a money belt to avoid this happening.

It can be difficult to know what is considered offensive or suggestive in segregated societies, such as in Orthodox Muslim areas. At times you may feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. You may not know if the local men view you as a sex symbol representing the immoral Western World. Take your cues from the local women. Watch them. If they don't make eye-to-eye contact with men, follow their example. Blend in. Dress appropriately.

Clothing that is fashionable and appropriate in the USA may project a provocative image in another culture. Leave the revealing clothing at home.

Anticipate potential problems. For example: if a group of men or young boys approaches you on the sidewalk on your side of the street, cross to the other side to give them space and you peace of mind.

Be sure to know when the sun rises and sets. A bustling market can quickly empty out and be transformed into dark deserted streets. Plan to be back to your lodging or in a safe, busy neighborhood by dark.

Carry enough money in your shoe or money pouch to get you out of a tight spot. Be willing to spend this money on a cab in order to get you to a safe place or back to your lodging. Do not take unnecessary risks.

If in doubt, take a self defense course.

All rights reserved. © Marybeth Bond

Financial Tips For Women

Whether it is a result of nurture, nature, or some combination of both, the fact remains that women and men do think and behave differently in many aspects of life, including those related to money and finance. When it comes to money matters, women have financial circumstances and needs that differ from those of men. For women, then, skilled money management includes taking such factors into account when making choices for today and when making plans for the future.
Fundamental Differences

While there can be many subtle differences in the ways that women and men approach financial matters, there are a couple fundamental differences that seem to affect all others. Awareness of these potential differences and how they may affect financial decisions and practices can help improve money choices.

Jay MacDonald of Bankrate.com points out that women and men are socialized differently from birth, and that that socialization carries over to the way each views and uses money. In his interesting article, he discusses how those different patterns of socialization affect spending and saving practices. In the past, women were brought up with a vision of their future that was more focused on being a wife and mother. Thus, their financial skill sets tended to place more emphasis on developing domestic economy skills rather than the types of financial planning skills necessary to live independently over the long-term and provide themselves with a fiscally secure future.

While those differences are not as severe today as they were then, MacDonald correctly states that “our socialization, a trained behavior, is primarily modeled after our same-sex parent.” That means that the residual effects of the socialization of our parents lingers on and can affect how we view and use our money today.

Another fundamental difference is that women tend to make less money than men. This is due to a variety of factors, including workplace inequities that have yet to be resolved by the equal rights movement. The course of a woman’s life is also an important factor in why women tend to make less money. Women are more likely to take time out of the workforce to bear and rear children. This not only affects the immediate salary, but career advancement and retirement benefits.
Different Financial Needs

Women, as a statistical group, have different financial needs than men do. Women, on average, live longer than men do. Therefore, it is essential that women plan financially for their elder years, as the odds are that they will outlive their spouse or partner. The number of widows living in poverty is astounding, but smart, forward-looking financial planning can help to avoid this.

Another significant difference in financial needs has to do with the rearing of children. With the rate of divorce being what it is, many mothers find themselves raising their children on their own. After divorce, it is still the woman that typically experiences a decline in lifestyle and a decrease in financial stability.

Women raising children alone make up a huge percentage of the nation’s poor. Even with child support payments from fathers – something a large number of women do not have the benefit of – the real life, day-to-day expenses involved in rearing children can be overwhelming. For women, particularly mothers, financial planning should take into account this potential. It’s better to be safe than sorry, and if the marriage survives and single parenthood doesn’t happen, then there’s a tidy little nest egg for college, retirement, or a celebration of making it through the good times and the bad times successfully and together.
Financial Tips For Women

• Those are just a few of the issues that can make women’s financial planning needs differ from those of men. Here are some tips that take those differences into account:

• Take the steps to become educated about money and finance in both the broad sense and within your personal life. Be an informed and active part of your family’s finances and fiscal decisions.

• Invest in yourself. Too often, women don’t make real investments – buy a house, start retirement accounts, engage in serious financial planning and investing – during their 20’s and 30’s or while they are single.

• Question your spending motives. Don’t fall prey to emotional spending, to using shopping as a means of feeling better when experiencing a period of stress or of feeling down, or something more serious, such as depression. If there is an underlying issue, address it. You and your bank account will be better off.

• Budget like you really mean it.

• Recognize that the odds are that, as a woman, your overall earnings are likely to be less. Increase the percentage of your income that you save to offset that difference.

• Prepare for potentials that are unpleasant to consider, such as marital breakup and single parenthood. Do your best to have separate, private just in case savings.

• As a woman, you are likely to live longer than your spouse or partner. Be sure that your retirement planning reflects that likelihood.

By Sharon Secor,
LendersMark.org Staff Writer

Making a man Fall in Love with You

it's not often that we come face-to-face with the man of our dreams. If you meet a man that you instantly click with it's easy to let your imagination take the lead.

As women, we dream about finding the perfect mate and when we think we have, we'll do almost anything to ensure he feels the same way. Making a man fall in love with you is really a mixture of many different things.

There obviously needs to be mutual attraction and timing plays an important role too. There are specific things you can do though that can help guide him in the direction of falling in love with you.

No two men are alike but many men find certain qualities in a woman attractive. It's not impossible to make yourself irresistible to virtually any man if you understand what men find appealing.

Making a man fall in love with you should begin with presenting yourself in the best possible light. This includes your appearance. This certainly doesn't mean that you need to lose weight or have any nips or tucks done. It does mean you need to accentuate what you have. This means dressing appropriately for your body shape and for your age.

It also means taking a little time to style your hair and apply some make up. If you show the man you adore that you value yourself, he's bound to value you more as well.

This holds true when it comes to your individual pursuits as well. If you are passionate about your career or furthering your education you are going to be more attractive to the opposite sex.

Making a man fall in love with you includes showing him that you are someone worth loving. Men love women who have their own interests and who aren't willing to compromise those things just because a man enters the picture.

The man in your life should feel as though you are making room for him, not replacing your life for his. Never give up the things you love just because you fall in love with a man. If you do this you'll eventually become boring to him. Stay focused on your own goals and the things you enjoy.

You should also be willing to compromise if you are trying to make a man fall in love with you. Even though you may have your heart set on a dinner out, he may decide he wants to go see a game. Men love women who are flexible and spontaneous.

Never try and steal him away from his friends or guilt him into choosing you over them. If you are supportive of the other people in his life, he'll be incredibly attracted to how giving and understanding you are. Show him that you love every part of him and he'll do the same in return to you.

Homeschooling Ideas

Your child’s education is an important part of his development and will have an impact on the rest of his life, so why not put some thought into what you will teach him? Here’s five ideas that might help you get started: 1) Get your child interested in a hobby - One of the best ways for children to learn is through something he or she is interested in. Teach them about stamp or coin collection. What better way to learn about the world? 2) Teach them a foreign language - There’s no better time for a child to learn about a foreign language than when he is young. It is the easiest time for him to learn spanish or just brush up on his english skills. 3) Teach him to surf the web - Luckily, this is 2008 and the world wide web has a vast amount of information! Whether your child wants to be a flight attendant or just want to learn breakdancing, give him the resources to indulge his interests!

Homeschooling For kids

Whenever the topic of family education faces, a question is raised to be sure - that of socialization. While even the most cynical skeptics can’t deny that there are several advantages of home schooling (such as children at home have better results in all areas than their public school or private) They seem to dwell on the social aspects of family education, standing by the mistaken belief that home schooling stifles a child’s ability to socialize.

It’s actually easy to see things from their point of view and to understand why they came to such hasty conclusions. The style of home schooling implies a lower teacher-student ratio (an aspect many regard as one of the best advantages of home schooling), which means that a home-schooler has more interaction with children his or her age compared to a child who goes to school, where the interaction is virtually inevitable in a classroom.

But while skeptics argue that keeping children away from a predominantly social setting stunt their socialization, the public school supporters insist that confining children to the school will allow them to better develop their social skills. In fact, these adherents believe that improving the socialization is yet another advantage of home schooling, even though it is often overlooked.

How is this so? To begin with, home-schooled children have their parents as their main influence, and not a peer group that could childhood (and probably more) distorts their values and perspectives, significantly delaying their willingness to confront the real world. Children from the school may allow more time to interact with their peers, but to confine socialization within a certain age group (and not very mature as that in).

The style of home schooling, on the other hand, gives children the chance to be influenced by people who know what they are like in the real world and whose priorities are passing on a good set of values, as opposed to Impose misconceptions of what’s “cool” and what’s not. What’s more, these kids get to interact with people of different ages, simply by staying in their parents’ protective wing, teaching them to socialize outside of their age group and allow for a broader, more mature point of view.

And indeed, to be educated at home doesn’t mean that a child can interact with his peers at all. There’s a lot of time to do that when the school and most of the day lessons were made. Concerns naturally come to the socialization of those who have never had any experience of home schooling to begin with. But those who are lucky enough to have dared to try knowing that socialization isn’t a problem have come to the realization that home schooling is just as effective social as the surrounding public and private schools.

Beauty Tips: Inner Beauty

This tips will help you to really bring out your inner beauty.

1. Cut the Stress
Find ways to cut stress out of your life. You’d be surprised at how stress affects your appearance. If you sit down, and cut out one or two things causing stress in your life, it can really make a difference.

2. Saunas
Treat yourself to a sauna every once in a while. Not only is it great for your skin, but it can really be relaxing. It’s also great for tense, stressed out muscles.

3. Build Your Self Esteem
Take steps to improve your self esteem. Here are some things that you can do:

• Read self help books

• Go out with friends

• Join a support group

• Volunteer

4. Massage

Treat yourself to a massage. It can really do wonders for you physically and mentally. If money’s tight, call your local massage school. They’ll usually offer you a massage for a fraction of what massage parlors cost.

5. Haircut
A new haircut and style can do wonders for your spirits. Consult a hairstyle magazine, or your favorite stylist for some ideas.

6. Relaxation Exercises
Relaxation can really help to bring out your inner beauty. Sign up for a yoga or pilates class, or rent how to DVD’s at the library.

Take Care of Your Inner Beauty

Let us talk about beauty from a different angle!

We have our own criteria for judging the beauty of a woman. We look the beauty of a lady from a certain angle and then pass the remarks whether she is beautiful or not. It’s not fair. Let me tell every woman that she is unique and beautiful.

The business of beauty is thriving everywhere. Women are spending much of their time and money on buying beauty products. Even in the third world countries, women living below the poverty line, buy cheap and substandard beauty products, which give more harm to their skin than good.

It’s the fundamental right of every woman to look beautiful. Every woman wants to listen the sweet words “you are beautiful.” But the beauty of a woman is far from her looks or figure. Physical beauty is only one aspect while a beautiful charming personality is a complete blend of many fine characteristics such as good manners, etiquette, behavior, smile, intelligence, sense of humor, social and family values etc., all make a woman look beautiful and attractive.

Didn’t you know that there is a marked difference between a carefully hand woven expensive Persian carpet and a cheap machine made carpet? Both of these cannot be equated. A beautiful woman is like an elegant hand-knotted Persian carpet. Each and every silky, colorful thread of her character, nicely woven into her personality, gives a woman an everlasting beauty and attraction.

Looks are very important indeed but the characteristics of a person are much more important. Besides taking care of your physical beauty, why not think of improving your inner beauty. The beauty which everyone admires is becoming a rare commodity these days. While on your way to a beauty parlor keep on thinking ways of improving your inner beauty.

Take care of yourself and take care of your inner beauty. No doubt you are a beautiful person.


By Hifzur Reman

First Kiss Tips and Advice on Kissing

Love and sex are among the things that make our lives better and increase our pleasure to live. But every good thing has a less pleasurable side and one must admit that a lot of stress is associated with these delightful activities.

The first touch, the first kiss, the first evening out, the first night spent together, all these key moments of the early part of a relationship can be very stressful for both partners. Some people think that these moments can make or break relationships, but the issue is still up for debate.

Not everybody gets it right the first time and many first nights spent together are not that great. It takes time to learn what the other likes, wants and looks for in and out of bed, so there are bound to be a lot of early fumbles and mistakes. On the plus side, these awkward moments may end up as sweet memories two lovers can laugh about years later. Still, a mistake is a mistake and the fewer one does, the better off everybody is.

Since you both are most likely to be nervous the first time, make sure you set the stage for this event. When you feel you are both comfortable with each other and that your relationship has advanced enough to warrant a more intimate approach, make a plan for the setting of the first kiss. Choose a location you are familiar with and whose main feature is intimacy.

There is also an ungodly amount of hype surrounding first kisses. The two partners should, allegedly, hear bells ringing or feel like having a thousand butterflies in their stomachs and other such nonsense. Don’t let such ideas put you off if the first kiss was not followed by a huge display of fireworks. Cherish it as the first step toward what may prove to be a special relationship and move forward. In other words, kiss her because you both feel like it, not because it’s some sort of ritual, and do it at your own pace and in your own style.

If you are not certain of what she wants or likes, then don’t rush into a French kiss. Brush your lips gently against hers, look into her eyes for the confirmation and then come back for a second try with a more resolute approach. If she does not recoil, then you can be a bit more firm. But the gentle brushing is a very good idea for the first kiss. It will net you points for both control and tenderness.

Unless you are the type who jumps head first into anything and just hopes for the best, you may want to actually take a moment and think about this before doing anything. A lonely bench in the park at sunset is a good idea. The doorstep of her parents’ house is not. Don’t make a hasty affair of the first kiss because your girlfriend is very likely to remember this for a long time afterwards. Pick a quiet spot, where nobody is going to bustle in on you just as you’re getting ready to share a pleasant moment. Make sure your hygiene is fit for this occasion: no bad breath, no smelly body.

No fancy stuff on the first kiss. There’ll be time enough for this later on. Don’t spoil the moment by trying something really special and making a mess of it. Stick to a slow and gentle kiss that paves the way for the more advanced stuff to come. Just focus on sliding into each other’s arms, finding a comfortable position and kissing away to heart’s content. If you can pull this off without a hitch, then you can say your first kiss with that partner was a complete success.

How to say I Love You in 100 Languages

How to say I Love You in 100 Languages

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumem
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Catalan - T'estimo
Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Chinese
Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a
Mandarin - Wo ai ni
Comanche - U kamakutu nu
(pronounced oo----ka-ma-koo-too-----nu) -- Thx Tony
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Cree - Kisakihitin
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Frisian - Ik hald fan dy
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe
Hebrew
To female - "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female)
To male - "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru or Anata ga daisuki desu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo or Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech gaer
Macedonian - Te Sakam
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese - Inhobbok
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Ndebele - Niyakutanda
Norwegian
Bokmaal - Jeg elsker deg
Nyonrsk - Eg elskar deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Surinam - Mi lobi joe
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai
To female - Phom rak khun
To male - Chan rak khun
Informal - Rak te
Tunisian - Ha eh bak
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese
To female - Anh ye^u em
To male - Em ye^u anh
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe
Zazi - Ezhele hezdege
Zuni - Tom ho' ichema

Natural Skin Care Tips for Healthier, Beautiful Skin

natural skin care When meeting someone new, most people take notice of the person�s face first. For this and other reasons, maintaining clean, healthy skin is paramount to self-esteem, confidence and even attitude.

Getting healthier skin is not contingent upon high-cost prescription medications or obsessive skin care routines. Modifying your daily routine a tiny bit and upholding disciplined cleansing habits can help to add flawless skin to the list of your best qualities.

Eat healthier
By avoiding foods that often make your face breakout, your skin will be less oily and more resistant to blemishes. Some problem foods that may cause pimples or breakouts include chocolate and other candy, French fries, fast food, pizza and soft drinks.

To get your skin in better shape, you may not have to give up everything that has negative effects on your skin, but rather, eat those things in moderation. Have greasier foods as a special treat or on rare occasion when eating a healthy, balanced meal is out of the question.

Hydrate and exercise
Drinking the recommended eight glasses of water per day coupled with some regular exercise - walking, running, bicycling, engaging in sports - should have a great impact on one�s complexion. Increased blood flow due to aerobic exercise will positively impact one�s complexion with a glowing look to replace dull skin.

Not only will exercise and drinking water help skin tone and texture, but it will also make you feel more energized and great about yourself. By keeping your body in shape, you will feel less stressed and more capable of achieving those things you set out to do.

Monitor sun exposure
By using a moderate strength sunscreen, you will be protecting your skin from sun damage, skin cancer, aging and premature wrinkles. Too much sun can blister one�s lips, leaving them red, sore and charred. Sunburned skin will eventually peel most times, leaving skin areas blotchy and sensitive. The best approach to preventing sunburn and other sun-caused skin problems is to monitor how much time one spends in the sun and to avoid sun exposure by using sunscreen with SPF 15 or greater.

Practice a regular cleansing routine
Cleanse, exfoliate, tone and moisturize this daily routine should carry you on your way toward healthier skin. Select a gentle skin cleansing solution that works for your specific type of skin - dry, oily, normal. Using your selected product, cleanse face in a circular motion and rinse with lukewarm water, as hot water zaps skins moisture.

Follow the cleansing stage with an exfoliant. A granular product is often especially effective in smoothing rough areas and releasing dead skin cells, allowing the face to be better moisturized. Perfect moisturizer

After the exfoliation process concludes, use a toner or an astringent to tighten skin and remove any makeup or cleanser residue. A nice alternative to a toner or astringent would be doing a facial masque at least once a week, which tackles clogged pores while also firming skin and leaving it soft and silky.

Finally, pat skin dry with a soft towel but do not dry up all the water. Apply a moisturizer (with or without sunscreen) to help protect skin from dryness. Those who have oily skin do not have to moisturize as often as those who have dry, normal or combination skin.

By following the daily skin care routine along with drinking lots of water, exercising and protecting your skin from sun damage, you should soon notice positive results. Maintaining discipline and adhering to your goal to achieve healthier skin make the actual task at hand so much easier to accomplish.



by Kathryn D'Imperio

Oily Skin

Oily Skin and Acne Breakouts

Oily skin doesn't necessarily cause acne, but it can be a contributor to breakouts if the skin isn't kept clean enough. Acne occurs when pores are invaded by dirt and oil, get clogged and breed bacteria. The bacteria in the pore causes swelling and the typical pimple is filled with pus, which is the body's attempt to fight infection using white blood cells. Keeping your skin clean and pores unclogged is one important way to prevent acne breakouts. And it all starts with the way you wash your face.

Skin Care and Makeup for Oily Complexions
Some people think that removing oil from the face is like washing it from dishes: they use the harshest soap and the hottest water to get their skin "squeaky clean". They never moisturize, and may even wipe their skin with alcohol to dry it out. The bad news is that if you treat your oily skin with harshness, it will redouble its efforts to protect itself—it will actually start to produce more oil to cope with what it feels are harsh environmental conditions! Wash your face, but use a gentle soap and lukewarm water, and don't rub or scrub. Treat your skin with love and compassion, and it will respond positively. Use an oil-free moisturizer to keep your skin protected, and protect it further by using a moisturizer that contains sunscreen. Keep the shine blotted down by using powdered mineral makeup, which is guaranteed to give you a matte finish without clogging pores. At the end of the day, remove your makeup with a gentle, alcohol-free toner, wash your face gently, and reapply moisturizer before bed.

Natural Beauty Product Suggestions for Oilier Skin
Oil free moisturizers usually contain glycerin and water, and some of the best products also contain tea extracts and oatmeal. Oatmeal has long been recognized as a soothing skin care product, and when used as a mask can brighten your skin without drying it out too much. Companies like Aveeno are making oatmeal based moisturizers and makeup that work wonderfully to care for the skin. Beauty tips columns always contain the oatmeal facial mask as a remedy for oily skin. Just puree oatmeal with a little water, wipe on the skin, allow to dry most but not all they way, and rinse off.

Luckily, caring for your oily skin has never been easier, since a tremendous range of products ensures that there's something for everyone. Treating oily skin is done at two levels; prevention and blemish control. Gentle treatment, the right oil-control makeup and proper nutrition can help prevent oily skin. Blemishes can be treated with tea tree oil or one of the natural remedies including green or white tea extract (powerful antioxidants) and skin calming oils such as lavender or chamomile.

Does diet and nutrition contribute to skin oils?
Some people think that chocolate or fatty foods can cause oily skin, and if you are allergic to a particular food, it may show up in the way your skin behaves. Chocolate has not been shown to increase skin oil or breakouts; in fact, dark chocolate contains antioxidants that are good for your brain and your body. But junk food like chips, high fat, high salt burgers and other fried foods may impact your skin as they do your entire body. If you're a junk food junkie and have oily skin or breakouts, take a month off from your favorite foods to see if your skin condition improves.

Antiaging therapy in the form of creams or lotions containing plant or milk acids often dry users' skins as the acids remove the top layer of skin cells from the complexion. Check out moisturizers containing alpha lipoic acid, which may decrease the oil in your skin after a short time of use.

What Men Really Want In Modern Relationships

Tips on what's really on men's minds when it comes to love and sex

Women often say that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.

It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women excel. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.

Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.

Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. "Starting" is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.

Okay so what is a man seeking?

• First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.

• Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.

• Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.

• Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.

• Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

• Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.

• Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.

• Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.

• Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.

• Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.

• Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.

• Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.

• Men don't want to be alone.

This column can easily fire a great debate. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.

While women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

Scoring with Your Mother-in-Law

Everyone knows the jokes about the in-laws. Many of us have experienced the horror, humiliation and hilarity of meeting and hanging out with our girl's fam. "How in the world did she turn out so well?" you wonder quietly, to yourself.

I count myself as one of the lucky ones. My father-in-law is cool, drinks lots of beer, farts a lot (no coincidence) and always has a good story -- and the mom-in-law is hip, knows how to dress and cooks a mean steak. But if you don't happen to be as lucky as I am, here are a few tips to get you started off on the right foot with your potential new family. The first step is to do something nice for your girl's mom this Mother's Day.
Take some initiative

* Make it your own idea.
* Start early, so you have a better chance of it being your own idea.
* Find something specific to her (like, not a bowling ball … Unless she bowls, in which case, a bowling ball is perfect).

Shop around

* Have a custom arrangement of flowers made just for her.
* Get her a gift certificate for a day at the spa.
* Pick up a hilarious (but tasteful) talking card.

No job? No money? No problem -- Make her something!

* Cosmo, anyone? You can find a recipe on the Web (and any guy should be able to operate a shaker).
* Bake some cookies. Sugar cookies are near fool-proof. Heck, boxed brownies still count as homemade!
* Frame a pic of you and her daughter.

You get the idea. Lots of opportunities. Big points.

by Jonathan

The Search for Mr. Right

Actively seek out your soulmate and you'll find him

Does Mr. Right exist? Is he out there somewhere? Will I find him?

Mr. Right is a key subject for many women and an inspiration of hope on a daily basis. Yes, probably exists Yes, he is probably your match. Yes, you WILL find him! Of course in all our lives we have goals, aims, ambitions and desires small and large. It is these landmarks and goalposts that keep us positive and busy. It is what makes us human. In recent years the terms Mr. Right and Miss Right have become over used and clichéd. It is almost as if we have a chart on our wall, an extensive check list or a resume of specifics that the person in question must submit to get his foot through the door of the "potentials" interview.

Most of us would deny we are pushing away Mr. Right as we hope that chance will take a hand in bringing Mr. Right to us. Many of us accept that we have a small but insignificant "list" and yes, we accept that there are some requirements on it which are nonnegotiable, but they are fairly minor. Or are they? The fact of the matter is that as the decades have passed by, we have become far more sophisticated, as humans, as individuals, as lovers and mates. We are adults, we have a good salary and a nice home and are well educated in the ways of the world. Therefore it is only fair that we seek someone to match, to fit in, to adapt, to accompany, to facilitate, right? Therein lays the issue.

The fact is that Mr. Right also has a check list, of his wishes and needs, only a small one of course, but a list all the same, and he is ticking off your assets as we speak. He wants someone young, someone well educated, someone good looking and in shape. We are indignant, how shallow we cry. Typical man we sigh. Yet are we any better? Look at your list and look very carefully at what or who constitutes your Mr. Right. And then look again. Are you sure first of all that your tick list is achievable? Yes, or are you willing to negotiate? Okay so you are happy with your list. Then what?

Are you willing to go out and get your Mr. Right or are you waiting for him to come to you? Many women tell me they are waiting for Mr. Right. The word "waiting" concerns me. By waiting it means men come to you by chance, perhaps by design and you tick off their assets, your check them out and then cast off anyone who doesn't match your list. Maybe you do, but remember this my friends, Mr. Right is looking for his Miss Right? How much work have you put into being Miss Right or should he accept you as you are and fit in around you? If he did slot in to your life would he really be Mr. Right or an accouterment, an asset, a trinket that you would get bored of?

The thing I am asked by eligible men more than anything these days is, "where have all the nice girls gone". Think about those words carefully. These men are not asking where the doormats went, the meek mice, the housewife slaves. Not at all. No what they are asking is where all the women went who don't have a huge checklist as long as their arms. Most men simply want someone to love, someone who they can dote on in their own ways and who they can feel special and share with. The problem for them is that they are not finding it because they are constantly under the pressure of women’s check lists. They are told they must adapt and fit in, they are trying to fulfill their part of the list bargain and then they are faced with the Miss Rights out there.

As a potential Miss Right you owe it to yourself to complete a few tasks. Take a long, hard look at your list and ask yourself exactly how flexible you are being. Secondly look at who your Mr. Right is and how truthfully obtainable they are. Thirdly, don't kid yourself about your own potentials but don't compromise on ideals either. Fourthly, bring yourself out into the open and go after your Mr. Right.

Don't play the waiting game because you do not want to spend the rest of your life knowing your Mr. Perfect is married to someone else when he could have been yours. And finally, compromise is the key in reality, for all the things Mr. Right must be, try and balance that with attempting to be something your Mr. Right doesn't want to miss.

Lazy Men: Remove Their Comfort Zone

How to turn your bum into a gentleman

One of the biggest criticisms of men is that they are lazy, they get too complacent, far too comfortable, especially in relationships. They think they have got you and think they can keep you with the minimal amount of effort. And to be honest, they often manage it. Why? Because you let them. By the time you have woken up to the fact that your new man is not trying, its often too late to change things, or him. You can of course leave him and often you do, but only after your man has wasted months of your relationships time.

So why does it happen in the first place? Well men are designed like hunters. They like hunting, generally in packs and sometimes alone. Either way, they are doing the chasing for women like you. The problem arrives like a bolt of lightening when they wake up one day with you beside them and realize that they have got you and you appear content. Appear being the operative word. They are in a relationship with you and the chasing has stopped (or so they think). Take away a man's raison d'être and what have you got, a lazy man.

Remember that I blamed you. Well of course that's only partially true. But the fact is, if you don't keep your man standing on quicksand, he will lay down and go to sleep. As a man likes to chase, he likes to feel he has achieved greatness by achieving you as his girlfriend. Once he has done that he will proudly display his trophy and be content. He will set about creating his idea of perfect domestic bliss and being loved-up you will go along with it. What you may not realize is that you are putting up with a lot of crap along the way in the early stages. You may well know it , but unless you have kept him in check some ground rules may have been set. To become his mother is not the path to relationship heaven.

The question is, can you keep him on his toes. Can you keep him wanting you as if he was fighting for his life? Of course you can, you just need to do it that's all. He is going to call you at work and ask what time you are home. He is going to make assumptions that you are doing some things he likes this weekend. He will assume you love spending your weekend with his nieces and nephews. You are going to let him do that? Of course not. You are going to make him worry. Unnecessarily of course because you love him. But this is for his and your own good before it is too late.

The path to relationship heaven with a man is to make him work for you, to date you, to want you, as if you were the only woman to walk the earth. You do that by changing his expectations and goalposts continually after you have become a couple. To settle in to domestic routine is to allow him to move into a comfort zone you will later regret. At first you may feel you want that too. You both want to be domesticated and fall into a routine. But then you will panic.

Who does the washing, cleaning and ironing ? Was it decided that you were the best at it? When you first met him, his shirts were perfectly laundered and you didn't do them then. Who said you could cook better than him? Remember that perfect meal he made you on your third date? Where did those culinary skills go? Remember getting up at 6am to make you a surprise breakfast in bed, who said that had to stop? Little by little, you begin collecting his socks from the floor by the bed, you turn the TV off after he has fallen asleep on the sofa at 11pm. You pick him up from the bar after his regular night out with his buddies. And you blame him for getting comfortable? Okay , so it is time to do something about it.

You don't need to change your man if you start early enough, because he is there for the molding. Men are starting to be aware that women implant ideas in their heads and let the guy take the credit but they are not yet generally advanced enough to make an issue of this. So plant away all you like. He will accept. The fact is, you need to ensure your man is never ever allowed to lay down flat in the comfort zone. Every now and again you have to stir things up and be as equal in ground rules from the very start, as he. Ignore this at your peril.

How many times have you heard men say, I only realized how much I love you after I lost you? That is because their comfort zone was rudely removed and they woke up. So your task is to not allow them to go to sleep in the first place. We all want a quiet life with no head games. We don't need to play carefully constructed games as we get older? Ehm, I think you will find that you do. Nice games, but games that allow you to mature together before your relationship falls apart. You can be comfortable after 40 years of marriage in your dotage like your parents but to reach that point you better make sure that your man never takes you for granted. Not unless you want a life of unfulfillment.

Men will and do take their girls for granted because they are allowed to get away with it. By the same token, men love to chase their girls and feel huge pride in loving a real catch. To be the real catch you have to keep him fishing. And from time to time you need to get him to change the bait on his hook. Why would he look elsewhere at another women if he is constantly wanting and needing you? Let him take you for granted and watch what happens! So it is down to you to make that happen, to keep him chasing you. You could argue that you want a lazy life too and don't want to get the man you love to stand on quicksand. Fair enough, the problem is you will realize all too late that you are not happy with your later situation and by then, maybe it's too late.

To keep your man interested and chasing you may want to follow some of the tips here:

* Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn't like them
* Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
* Never become lazy yourself
* Don't be at his beck and call
* Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
* Never allow him to think you are reliant on him
* Keep some of your finances separate
* Don't always return his phone calls
* Don't allow him to know what you are thinking all the time
* Socialize without him occasionally
* All domestic duties are shared, no excuses
* Threaten to dump him occasionally
* Use all your womanly powers that you employ so well in the early stages of dating
* Change your mind about things occasionally and keep him guessing
* Ensure you retain male friends you had before
* Find his weak spots and use them when need be
* Do not run around after him
* Get him to do the laundry
* Go on vacation with your friends

A relationship is equal through and through. Let him get the upper hand and allow him to become too comfortable and he will abuse the situation. Just make sure you don't allow it to happen in the first place.